Friendship and Peer Pressure
Judson Bemis | September 17, 2020
A big hello to parents and teens. I hope everyone is in good health.
My name is Eleni and I work as the counselor here at Gobi. I read the assignments every day, submitted by both the teens and their parents. One of the common themes over the last three years that stands out is about friendship and the pressure to fit into the right group.
From the parents perspective, I usually read about their concern and frustration because their teen is willing to do anything to become part of the cool edgy group, including smoking/vaping weed, ignoring house rules, fighting with parents and sometimes dealing drugs.
From the teen side, I hear about pain and loneliness. I see your kid's enormous thirst for relief by connecting with someone else. They don't know how to go about it, yet they want companionship so badly. They want to trust others so they can show them who they really are and stop pretending.
I understand their confusion, and it is palpable and painful to observe. To many of you, I have reached out to schedule a quick session. Now I have decided to write this piece to reach out to even more parents.
I would like to begin by asking every parent to take an extracurricular walk with their teens. Send them the following questions which you BOTH must answer!
• What is friendship?
• What is the message that you (teen or parent) have learned from the other about experiences with friendships?
• How do you choose friends and how are you a good friend?
Parents please just listen. Do not interrupt, judge and do not interfere.
Many parents that have called me, I have explained that you cannot dictate your teen’s friends. That will backfire. You do not have that kind of control. You do have control in other areas so don't worry, just not this one. But what you can do, is teach your teen HOW to choose their friends.
If this topic is difficult and unprocessed to you as a parent or as a teen, please reach out and we can work together on it.
Stay safe, thank you, and please let me know any comments or questions you may have.
-Eleni